Tuesday, January 24, 2012

No, no, I haven't forgotten

My loyal readers (all ...one or two of you!) - life just cut in and told me "Get off your lazy ass and try and get your act together!"

Well, I got off my lazy ass part down.  Getting the act together..maybe not so easy.

There is so much stupidity in the world that I can't even figure out the proper topic to discuss these days.  So, let me hop on the speeding train that is questions for those with children.

Now, I am not a parent.  I have plenty of friends with children.  I know what you are thinking, "That doesn't make you an expert, you twit!"

Well, no, it doesn't.  And to add to this, I never did have the "Carry this egg for 30 days and pretend it's a baby" class in school either.  I'm losing points, aren't I?

I'm going to ask questions here because I'm not in the mindset to be able to answer these, but, here goes:

Why do parents let their children throw food at another table in a restaurant and when the customer at that other table asks them politely to stop their children from doing so, the parents act as if it's all the customer's fault?   I mean, I can see it if the customer was doing something that would scare a small child trapped in a chair, like wearing a mask of a clown or Newt Gingrich, but seriously folks.  It's not that difficult to stop your little spaw---angel from tossing their half-eaten mac-n-cheese into my hair.

The neon-yellow color doesn't look good with my dark locks.  And it's hard to get out.

And on that thread, why do parents sit in restaurants and chat on cellphones while their children run around screaming? (Caveat here, sometimes work does call)  I've run into this more times than I care to count; and it's one of those issues where I'm tempted to buy something loud and obnoxious and give it to the child, so they can play with it and ruin Mommy's gossip time.   Sadly, I can't toss rocks at other patrons.  Otherwise that' be a great game:  Hit the bullseye on the back of the gossiping goose in the corner booth.

No prize, maybe some jailtime depending on how much of a storyteller you are.

Speaking of screaming children - parents, please, answer me why you let your kids run rampant through stores, malls, whatnot and when they run into someone, they don't even say "Sorry", they just glare at you as if you were in the way.  Look, I have two cats that glare at me when I'm walking through my apartment and just happen to get in the way of their crazy-time.  I run to the store/mall/car show to escape those glares because let's face it, kids and cats can both give you the glare-of-I'mPlottingYourDeath(tm).

Example one:  Angry child
Example two: Angry cat  

Now.  Look at those two facial expressions.  Tell me they aren't the exact same.  It's enough that my cats glare at me on a daily basis, I really don't want children plotting my death because I was reaching for some toilet paper while they were racing down the aisles.

And my last peeve - if you take your child into a bathroom or dressing room, teach them to NOT peer underneath the doors.  There's nothing worse than sitting there and conducting business, and having a set of wide eyes looking at you.  Suddenly you hear, "MOMMY, she's NAKED!"

And the angry gasp from the other stall/dressing room makes it feel as if it's my fault.  Look, if you don't want your children to have nightmares, don't let them do this.

It will do so much for both my sanity and the sanity of your little ones.  Because I truly care.

Otherwise, I will start handing wearing clown masks when I go to use the public toilets or dressing rooms in malls.   Now *that* would give them something to yelp about.